Over the holidays we visited our son, Josh, and his family in Colorado. While we were there he asked if we could go out for a beer and just talk. When our kids are growing up, we can't imagine a time when we might just sit like two adults and have a conversation. Now, each in their thirties, I've enjoyed coming to that place with both my sons.
Josh shared with me something he's been learning, about our responsibility as husbands, to speak love and beauty into the hearts of our wives. When our conversation is all about the kids, the finances, the household, what's for dinner, etc., we aren't fulfilling our duty to help them come fully alive.
I'm shamefully guilty of failing in this area. Sometimes, I think the whole "love language" teaching has messed me up. In the five love language model, we are encourage to make deposits into each others emotional bank accounts. So, I do the thing I understand to be high on my wife's love language scale and I expect her to reciprocate or at least, give me a pass when I screw up. After all, I made plenty of deposits, I should get a pass for my next couple screw ups. It's too much like, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.
None of that really helps me understand what makes her feel beautiful and alive, it just tells me what "stuff" she wants me to do for her. When was the last time I asked her what she finds beautiful or what brings her true joy?
Usually, at dinnertime, we ask each other what were our highs and lows of the day. Too often I'm aware that her low had to do with something I did or said, which was critical or insensitive. Of course she is too gracious to remind me, but I know. I'm missing my mark by miles. Instead of being the source of her daily low, my words and actions should be the source of her highs.
Like I said, it was a good talk and I'm working to find ways to invest this truth wisely. Thanks Josh.
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